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12 Apr 09

sleep is optional

i’m starting to feel as though i’m the subject of my own micro-version of the truman show. specifically: i suspect that everyone in my apartment complex are conspiring to conduct a psychological sleep deprivation experiment with me as the subject. it’s not exactly news that i’ve had sporadic issues with noise in my building since i moved in two years ago, but it’s the sheer variety of ways in which i’ve been kept awake/woken up that’s changed. for example:

  • an omnipresent and as yet unidentifiable pulsing hum audible from my bedroom, suggesting that perhaps my building runs on an alternative power source from the future
  • various parties in my courtyard, ranging from douchebag frat boys playing foosball and drinking games to skatekids practising their rail slides
  • a live jazz/big band-era band playing in my courtyard on a thursday night
  • my old upstairs neighbours who dragged furniture every night at midnight for some reason
  • my new neighbours who enjoy listening to dance music, preferably between the hours of 11 and 2 on a weeknight
  • another neighbour’s dog (named gucci) who barked last night from 10:30 until 1:30
  • miscellaneous people outside my door at all hours who forget that people actually live behind the doors they are talking loudly in front of. that’s what i get for living near the elevator.

and that’s of course leaving out the random shootings that happened last year.

in summary, i’ve learned a lot about how poorly i adapt to not sleeping enough over the last few months.

2 Responses to “sleep is optional”

  1. 1
    Phil Says:

    Wow, and I thought I had it bad. My upstairs neighbours are a couple with two small kids, that’s four people in the same space as I alone occupy. The kids have a tendency to use the floor as a trampoline and the father is a handyman that likes working with his drill at all hours of the night. My other neighbour plays bass guitar, apparently in a band, but he only knows three cords which he keeps flipping through randomly each time he plays – for two hours. I also live near the elevator and my neighbours share the same unawareness of their surroundings as yours.

    Moral of the story? Pay extra for penthouse corner units, or move in to a house. Better yet, hang an official looking sign outside your door advising your neighbours that they are sharing space with a convicted murderer and you’re required to have this sign up as part of your parole. It will add extra credibility when you knock on their doors after midnight asking them to turn it the fuck down.

  2. 2
    rob Says:

    that sounds bad enough. i’m thankful to not have live musicians on a regular basis, or carpenters. thankfully, the construction on my floor has mostly ended (along with the insane amounts of dust), although i did forget to mention the intermittent high-pitched squeals that come from the elevators when something is wrong. awesome.

    the topic of my next post: olfactory experiments in my building, specifically: how/why do disgusting cooking smells get into my bathroom via the vent?


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Pronunciation: 'ch&mp
Function: noun
Etymology: perhaps blend of chunk and lump
Date: 1883

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