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01 Aug 03

my toronto rocks diary most certainly does not rock

ok, so here’s a summary of my yesterday:

7:30 am : i picked up robin from his house and we sleepily drove off towards toronto. that’s right. i got up BEFORE 7 while on holidays.
10 am : we arrived at sofi’s in scarborough and she joined the fun.
10:30 am : we eventually found the plaza where we were to pick up jen and mitch. as a nice bonus, the plaza contained a loblaws and subway. much needed food.
11:15 am : we arrived at our reserved parking space at york university without incident. they even had my name and license plate number in the book (i was half expecting an incident). we then joined a large line of people waiting for a shuttle bus to whisk us off to the park.
11:53 am : still no shuttle bus. please note that the parking lot across the road had seen 4 buses by this time, but they also had to line up twice to get on them (once to check into the parking lot and once to get on the bus. i’m not sure why they didn’t just check in while they were driving in, but i guess that was part of the magic of the day.) it was at this point that robin said “sam roberts goes on in 7 minutes”.
12:15 pm : after we’d split up in the hopes of boarding ANY shuttle bus, our bus arrived causing us to have to run back to our original line. we squeezed on with several dozen others, ready to be delivered to the park…only to discover that the bus ride only lasted 5 minutes and only took us to the other side of the university. when we got off we discovered another massive line up for ANOTHER shuttle. ah, so we waited an hour for a shuttle to the shuttle. right. so we started walking.
1:30 pm : we arrived at the park and went through the expected wait in a big crowd, most of whom seemed to be high, drunk or both, or in the process of getting high, drunk or both. they did a quick search of our bags, and it was at that moment i realized that obeying the limit of 2 bottles of water was foolish. alas, there was nothing i could do about it then. so, we started walking to meet the rest of our friends who were saving us a spot…
2:15 pm : we finally found our friends in the middle of the teaming mass of humanity. it was a major challenge to get there. picture several hundred thousand blankets and towels, woven together across the lawn and pavement. the real challenge was not stepping on anyone or anything, so our route was far from direct…especially since there were thousands of people walking in every which way, just like us. there was also a moment of panic when i got separated from my friends and i couldn’t see them anywhere. fun times.
2:15 pm – 5:30 pm : we spread out on the lawn and enjoyed performances by the flaming lips and blue rodeo, and cringed during performances by la chicane, the isley brothers and sass jordan (robin: sass’s first name is only one letter away from sars). i attempted sleep during the isley brothers (“now we’re going to take you back to 1965!” groan). sometime in this timeframe jen and marcus disappeared to go to the washroom. the portapotties weren’t far away, so the fact that they were gone for an hour and a half was surprising. getting there was far more challenging than it appeared. oh, and i discovered during this time range that the “free water refills” that were promised appeared to be a scam, so i bought a whole lot of water for $2.50 a bottle. and wow, did i ever drink a lot.
5:30 pm : sofi decided it was time to get some food, so we went off in search of portapotties and sustinance. it took about 3/4 of an hour to reach the portapotties, with the most circuitous route imaginable, and we eventually got in a pizza pizza line – not exactly a lot of food options. because of many many many many assholes, we did not receive our food for another two hours (yes, that’s right, we waited in line during justin timberlake, the guess who and rush. good thing there were monitors and speakers around.) why so long? because uncountable numbers of people kept cutting into the front of the line and, get this: we were being served by a man with one foot who was quite possibly the slowest man in the world. oh, and he had very low job satisfaction. why did we stay in line for so long? would YOU leave a line empty handed after investing an hour? it seemed to be moving fine until we got near the front. and that’s when we just got angry. oh, and the trip back to our friends was beyond painful because an additional 3 hours worth of people had filled the park, and when we finally got our pizza, ac/dc was on and the crowd had turned into a mulleted and beer gutted frenzy of fist pumping. i thought it was hopeless, but we eventually rejoined our friends somewhere around 8:30. they thought we had died, of course.
11:15 pm : robin, sofi and i snuck away to the far side of the crowd to watch the very end of the rolling stones’ set, and then we made a break for it to beat the worst of the crowds. we managed to catch a bus on keele at sheppard, and then cabbed it from finch up to steeles. finally, something went right. we got home around 12:20, miraculously.

so, to summarize:
-if you are reading this and you cut into the pizza pizza line, i hate you with the white hot passion of a thousand suns
-i missed sam roberts and kathleen edwards, but at least the flaming lips did not disappoint with their 3 song set (and they sang fight test!)
-i didnt run into anyone i know, unless you count somehow freakishly finding mitch at the pizza pizza stand (before the waiting ordeal began), or two members of robin black’s intergalactic rock stars. sofi had me beat with 3 people, i think.
-it may have been the biggest show in history, but that certainly wasn’t the best audience in history, like aykroyd would have us believe
-this is the last large concert i am ever going to. i am tooooo oooooold.

One Response to “my toronto rocks diary most certainly does not rock”

  1. 1
    robin Says:

    also: sass’s name is one letter away from “ass”

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Pronunciation: 'ch&mp
Function: noun
Etymology: perhaps blend of chunk and lump
Date: 1883

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