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31 Mar 03

resume don’ts and don’ts

as promised forever ago, some interview/resume tips for the kids out there:

  • when asked why you are applying for the job in an interview, don’t reply “i’ve heard from a friend that it lets you get a lot of studying done while getting paid.”
  • don’t address your cover letter to the wrong person, sign it with the wrong name, and include the wrong email address and phone number (in other words, when you’re borrowing someone else’s cover letter, CHANGE MORE THAN THE HEADER)
  • under strengths, under no circumstances should you include “great smile” – and for the love of christ, don’t list it FIRST. also: don’t include the following sentence in your cover letter: “I smile.”
  • a list of hobbies consisting of “swimming, internet chat, software collection and gaming” may not help if you’re going for well-roundedness
  • when emailing your resume, statements like “an anti-virus detection has been performed” tend to make me scan things twice, just in case
  • if you’re using an add-on to word that inserts helpful tips in the margins for help with grammar, etc. such as “Run on sentence”, you may want to consider turning off this feature when you print out your resume.
  • 5 pages may be a little on the long side for a resume.
  • statements like “my fall term average was 92% as a result of my hard working attitude and dedicated efforts” tend to make me giggle more than they impress me
  • when you’re 21, i’m not sure your resume should contain employment “highlights”
  • my spell checker doesn’t recognize the words “acticivites” or “sumamry”.
  • you may want to include more than “foosball” under extracurricular activities. even if you’re in a league. (they exist?)

if these tips save one employer from having to read through the utter shit i’ve had to read through over the past couple weeks, my work is done.

2 Responses to “resume don’ts and don’ts”

  1. 1
    Sarah Says:

    I’d just like to say a few things, in the defence of employment-seeking morons everywhere. In my job interview for manager, when asked why I wanted the job, I replied “because I’ll get to wear a suit”. And when asked what one of my greatest accomplishments to date was, my answer was the Strawberry Shortcake lunchbox I had just recently purchased. And I still got the job. Dreams really do come true.

  2. 2
    pager Says:

    you aren’t exactly “typical”.

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Pronunciation: 'ch&mp
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